Well that took awhile...

Here we are, approaching Memorial Day weekend and I've had it. I am tired of feeling fat, holding my breath to tie my shoes, feeling my belly push my breasts up and make normal tops and necklines seem like after-hours-only clothes. I am tired of being winded walking up the stairs at work every morning. I am tired of my calves burning while I try to keep up with friends while simply walking through the skyway. I am done.

I am 4'11" tall. About 3 years ago I started on the South Beach diet and lost 51 pounds. I was in grad school, living in Philadelphia and working full time. I had a full, busy life and I still made those changes. I got down to 174 pounds and cried in relief. I was still very overweight for someone my height.

In my transition to living in Minnesota I lost my progress. The things that had worked weren't working anymore:

• I didn't love my yoga classes anymore- In Philly I had been going 2-3 times a week and felt utter joy and resonating calm and determination. I felt motivated to keep coming back. I loved all of the teachers. In MN I struggled to find a studio that gave me those feelings. I still haven't and I have only recently come to realize I may need to find a new exercise-drug.
• I was a dating maniac and my diet became less stable. 
• The winters here are long and dark and cold. I just didn't want to do anything. 
• I have struggled to make a new circle of friends. Having long-held, close ties with a large group in Philly meant always being able to fall into the net of finding a buddy and having a true choice about going solo for various activities. 

I stopped feeling motivated. I blamed my diet. I went to yoga less. I tried running (which I LOVE but is very hard to get going seriously in the winter!) I tried going gluten free (gained 20 pounds!). Slowly, all of my progress slipped off as I stopped holding onto it. I made poor food choices. I wasn't exercising.

So. Here I am. Again. Just about 10 pounds lighter than when I first embarked on my big weight loss journey. I am not fucking around. I am determined. I want to be able to run and jump and play. I want to be able to buy pants in a traditional size run.

I will post separately on my plans to shed the pounds. There are plans, for sure. And I am gonna kick this chubby machine into action. Checking in here will remind me to revel in the small victories as well as the bigger ones.